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November 15 还有四天 还有四天 我就要向大家告别 搭上飞机 去很遥远的 菲律宾去了! 哗哗哗！ 可是为什么 偏偏就在应该快乐的时候 觉得 好空虚呢？ 空虚空虚 但也不至于到寂寞的程度（sorry 倩婷，我并不寂寞  ）只是觉得 好像临走前 少了什么东东似的 空虚了一下， 从教会回来上网 学校朋友突然在msn跟我讲 ‘我们可能要搬去金宝’！ 害到我更空虚去了。 如果搬去金宝 就不能常常回家 要找他也很难 没有的去church 没有上进心要读书 没有的在shopping center看帅哥哥美眉 也没有的在kimchiharu吃韩国餐 没有心情去上课时扮美美 What the hell what the hell what the hell 主啊！求你附听我们的祈祷 不要把我们丢到那个什么东东都没有的地方。。。。。 因为我好像突然间很爱那个简陋的 PJ Campus T_T November 10 Today was, today is, today will be. When the burning charcoal slowly turns from hot to cold is that something to worry about? Two days ago, my friend asked me to define love. My answer was I can only know how it feels but I have not the words to describe it most accurately. How good it is if I could say it out confidently. I should stop thinking about what others think of me all the time. I will have to start believing in myself, trusting in myself, only then I can believe and trust in others. Today was yesterday's tomorrow Today is the moment right now Today will be tomorrow's yesterday.  I met this friend outside my house today LOL And this fella just slowly glides on Glide glide glide... Didn't even care about what I was doing... Just glide on and continue his journey Mr Snail! You are my senpai! You gave some some inspiration :)) November 07 Happy Birthday! Looks like I've finally managed to get a life and get over the emoness as I embrace my 21st! Jason, thanks for the link :) Jing Lin, thanks for the words of comfort! And everyone else whom I didn't mention in this post...you know who you are...thanks for trying so hard to talk me into feeling better when I'm supposed to long long time ago! Lol Like any other days, my birthday wasn't like a huge blast compared to the year before where I had a huge Very Berry Strawberry Ice Cream cake from Baskin Robbins (jealous? wakakkaka) Nor was I wearing any sort of birthday dress (or suit for that matter ;)) And the presents weren't like the previous years where I'd get at least 10 (bleh) Although it was a pretty normal way to celebrate my 21st, I felt quite contented because although my family isn't here with me Nor is my loved one, I still have friends who cares for me here and are willing to come all the way to spend time with me, hoping that I'll have a happier birthday (cuz they seen me emo-ing pre-birthday)  Thank you, all of you! Arnold, Anson, Ewe Jin, for singing the song and cutting the cake with me @ 12am, 7 November 2009 Bee Hwang, Wayne, Ee & Na, Eljo, Lillian, Shone, Jia Yi, Colyee... It's nice seeing you guys today :) And to Zhao Xin, Shean Teng, Beverley my dear sis, Steffie...I'd wish you guys were here...but thanks so so much for remembering and wishing me :)) Jolyn Ngo! You called me from Russia! OMG! Haha. Woman, I miss spending birthdays with you :) <3 And those whom I shared birthdays with like Clara...yours is coming soon so I hope you'll have a superb time there in Wales! And Siew Leng, Aithing, and etc (paiseh cuz I didn't know who else shared to buy the wonderful present for me), thanks for the beautiful gift! Now I can stay pretty for at least 1 year!  The rest: my classmates, old friends, new friends...thanks for the wishes...  Because its such an occasion, I replied every single birthday wish... I really really really appreciate all your blessings and wishes! :) Friends, wherever you guys are, near or far, I will always remember you guys! (unless I get alzheimers/short term memory loss) Yay! A positive post from me! Go me go me!  Bernard Chew, you better ganti balik my birthday ar. 双倍奉还! Hehe. Smack you for not coming to teman me. *piak piak* xoxoxoxoxo LOL  Btw, my 21st birthday cake = my 19th birthday cake...  =.= ... ^o^  November 05 Happy birthday? Are 21st's supposed to be celebrated joyously, like nothing else mattered, like what they said? If the answer is yes, then I won't be looking forward to it this year. been feeling really down and depressed. in school, at home, in front of my friends, I'm ok but I don't know what's wrong with me getting sensitive over the smallest remarks... I hope I can get over this emo-ness and be the me who always smiles and doesn't really care much about anything anyway. November 03 I turned my back and walked off. Yes, that's exactly the thing I did when we had our group discussion today. If I stayed on even a second longer I would have slapped him. Because that's the one thing I couldn't stand the most - anyone who doesn't LISTEN. I hate that. Because I really wanted to get it done and over with, so can you just come to a conclusion of what you want me to do with the layout? When I talk to you, you just keep playing with your Flash. And when we've all agreed on one thing, then you ask me what was that all about... WHAT THE FUCK? Over all these while you've only been giving me negative remarks about everything. When you heard I'm in a relationship, you asked if my bf was from convent. To you its a joke, but don't you know what does it mean by being rude?! Once you even commented that my face was really ugly and full of pimples. And I just looked at you with a blank expression. Today, even though I feel slightly guilty, I really controlled my temper. And there were many occasions where I thought I could have lost it all and just slapped you. L.H.S., for the sake of my assignments, I will try to tolerate. But if you give me crap, I do not wish to work with you anymore.  October 25 Talk about being Irresponsible. I feel that when someone say 'Don't blame the players, blame the game', It is a damn irresponsible way to make people take the blame off you. I feel that when someone say 'I just don't have that feeling towards her/him anymore', that person is just a jerk/bitch who doesn't even want to put in effort to make the love strong. And I feel that when someone lies, that person is an idiot. Sometimes I'm an idiot. I might be a bitch, who knows, but I won't push the blame away. October 24 Honestly. Honestly, I should start writing down clearly what I want to say, What I want to let everyone know. Because looking back at the posts I wrote before, I have totally no idea why I wrote it. Once I wrote about random things that I now couldn't relate to at all. Was I that sad? And why? Its sad for me now looking back because the post yells depression yet I couldn't remember what happened to me back then. So instead of beating around the bush I should just SAY WHAT I WANT TO SAY and NOT USE DAMN VAGUE SYMBOLS to express myself. Besides, updating about myself on blog saves me the trouble of repeating the same story to different people a million times :) So here's something about myself. Life's been okay, For a while it was awesome but shit happens too so the awesome part becomes not-so-awesome because of the shit. Let's talk about the shit part first. My GPA dropped so damn low, it killed me. But I'm back this semester fully armed for my next battle, so HO-HO I will be back in the Dean, baybeh! As for the awesome part, I'm missing someone ;) He's almost 100 kilometers away, which can be tough at times. But I guess the best we can do right now is live for the moment :) I guess I don't say this often but I miss my JB friends all the time, and sadly I only remember that when I'm unoccupied with all those chores and homework. When you get busy you tend to forget even the most important stuff in life. And when you stop and look around you realize again what you've been missing all these while. My Convent girls, my form 6 girls, my church friends... All of them are so far away physically. And I'm not the type of person who would always take the initiative to keep in touch... Well I guess that's the bad part of me. That's why I'm not remembered by them either :'( I sound so positive and optimistic in this post, but when I'm damn depressed the post sure could be damn suicidal one lo. Heehee. Wei, you, I miss you.  October 08 Gluttony.How could such a pure girl be tainted with so much sins and lies underneath her facade. Today, I sinned. I finished a huge packet of Nachos all by myself. Glutton glutton glutton. Today, I contemplated. I saw her Heard her Felt her But I can't stand at her side. Today, I hope for a better tomorrow A stronger me who will think positively not driven by emotions make proper decision and stick to it and there. Just another wish. October 07 I guess. Holidays - finally here! Time to fix my pimples and do away with those puffy eyebags accumulated during the previous sem In the midst of catching up with myself, I realized that so many things happened in such a short period of time Its hard to believe that things will never be the same like how it used to and there's so many things to accept to decide Suddenly everything becomes more complicated and its so hard because its like walking in the midst of a thick fog. I wish my brain just didn't Think That much. I hate it when I start crying without any reason. I hate it when I pretend like its okay. I hate caring too much. And I hate it when people asks me how I'm doing and I say I'm okay knowing that I'm not. When sadness becomes apathy There's nothing else left to say. I guess. But I'm sure I will feel better soon. I guess. September 13 忘。 已经有一段时间 我 竟然 忘了那种感觉 不需要说谢谢 不需要想太多 原来 我真的已经忘了 虽然不用道谢 我还是要谢谢你 在我 K书 K到 我 K.O. 让我知道有人关心我睡了没 虽然不用想太多 我还是要跟你分享 听见别人闹分手后 不安的感觉 睡醒时给你一封信息 让你知道我在想你 还有很期待晚上跟你煲电话粥 看来 我真的 是 被 倩婷 影响到我 写 BLOG。 干干干干干 September 05 Hehe.When I read my previous blog entries again, I realized how childish I am. Feel like deleting those posts cuz I just cant stand seeing myself being so stupid. But then again, if I've deleted them then what memories are left? Growing up is such pain. But it has made me stronger in some ways. Hehe. Aiyah, finals are here again. So susah want to study this time. And I haven't even belanja Peiwen they all when I got dean last sem. LOL Don't worry Peiwen and friends, wait for my first salary to come in first k :) August 20 Wake me up when it ends. Assignments are sucking the blood and soul out of me. Added with the ever so irritating SRC crap, I feel like my life has just been shortened by a few more years. Ohmahgawd when will this ever end. Miracle miracle, where are you? Come and play your magic 'cause everything is coming up to my neck. Oh~~~~~ help me~~~~~~~~  August 12 越走越辛苦 看 Title 了就已经不需要我解释我想讲的是什么吧。 希望等下真的可以看到流星雨 然后许下愿望 就算不知道它们是否会成真 至少这样可以欺骗自己 一下也好 原来回家始终还是逃避不了问题。 可是我还能撑，所以不要担心 ^_^ July 15 Too much. It's not easy being myself. It's not easy trying to be someone else. It's not easy to put up with the shit people is giving you. And it's not easy to act like you're okay with that. It's not easy to try to live up to other people's expectation. And it's not easy to get lectures when you did your best. It's not easy to expect recognition although you really tried hard. And it's not easy to even expect anymore. Too much means too much, if this continues, I might just collapse. I didn't to tell you what's up in my life Because I'm afraid that you'll think I'm just bullshitting and making up excuses for myself. Bullshitting so that I can push the blame away from me And making up excuses so that I can be forgiven. I'm not like that. You tell me to do this, you tell me to be like that You speak well of me, and then talk bad of me. In front of others you say one thing and with me you say another. Reading this, do you think I'm being sensitive? Do you think I'm trying to make you look bad? Do you think I'm trying to tell people that I'm hurt? Whatever you want to think, go ahead. I'll just live my life. You make my heart ache and its not even worth it. You're not even worth it. June 19 No Title. Sometimes I wonder why am I so Gullible Naive Trusting Is it better to be wary of people and always be alert or just trust them to do what they are supposed to do. You made me realize how hard it was for me to trust somebody And how easy it is to lose that trust. May 31 Back to Square One.Yes, yes, new semester starts tomorrow.
So how come I'm not excited a single bit?
Everything is still pretty much the same.
Except for the fact that my internet connection is much worse this time...
Have to wait for XX days to get a brand new connection
and maybe, only MAYBE it will be slightly better than the current one.
Anyway, let me blog about something more positive.
...
Okay, sorry, I have nothing positive to blog about. LOL.
Okay lah got a few.
Number 1 is finally I can log on lo after 1 torturing internet-free week.
But this connection is super shitty one.
Don't know when will DC.
Number 2 is...this sem no classes on Friday!
Wohoo!
And classes end by 1.30pm on Thursday!
Means, I can go back to my home sweet home on Thursday, then stay there on Thursday night, Friday, Saturday, Sunday morning....
when I think of this I'm so high!
Haha!
Apart from that, nothing positive at the moment.
:)
At least this post is much more positive then the other new semesters/back to schools entries ><
Before I take my leave, let me post a few pictures to irritate my dear loyal reader Cocobutt.
  Menyampah or not? XD |
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